I'm bemusedly reading the comments on my featured post. It's an interesting look at what people think...and how they think.
I'm seeing two main categories of commentators:
1. Those who either understand or agree with my list, and want to tell me good things about having standards. Such as "I held out, too...good for you". Or even if they don't agree - "You are entitled to the type of guy you want. Good luck". These are good comments.
2. Those who don't understand or disagree with my list, and want to correct me for my standards, or berate me because they would not be included in the type of guy I'd like. "Yeah...you're still single because you obviously don't like any guy...no guy would pass all of these. You'll be single forever. And your ugly, too...and I bet you're religious. Your dumb." You get the idea.
These second type are interesting. The fact that someone would come and tell me what I want in a guy is somehow
incorrect...wow! What these people don't understand is that this list says a lot about me. It's not some arbitrary list of things that I pulled out of a hat. I want a guy who shares my beliefs (theological, social, cultural). Music (what my degree is in) and literature (what a spend a lot of thing thinking about) are important to me...so of course I want someone who understands and shares that. I want a godly man who will be a good husband and leader...so I want his behavior to reflect that. All that seems pretty basic to me.
What's funny is that I didn't really add everything I could have to that list. I could have made it four times as long
Comments (31)
While I might not agree with every item on your list, it is still good that you have one. You wouldn't want the items on MY list either. One of the things that I learned in Divorce Recovery was to have a list so that you can see what characteristics are appropriate in a good candidate before getting all tangled up in a bad relationship. It helps you to see the "red flags" that show what would only bring discord into any more intimate relationship than simple friendship.
bless ya!
cm
Yay for lists! I think it's a good idea for men to have these as well - ergo, my two brothers-in-law would not have married (and are now divorcing) the psycho women that they did.
@andalusia_way - Yeah. I'm too strict to have gotten married...and I think it's a good thing as this point.
I liked your standards. All you're asking for is a like-minded person, which is completely understandable and commendable. The people who dissed your standards are just evidence that some people can't wrap their minds around the fact that not everyone is exactly like they are. Hypocritical, really.
I suppose it IS amusing to be featured. I have turned off my recommend button (not that I get a lot of those, but I when I did, I didn't enjoy those who didn't take the time to understand me as a person, and just simply jumped at the chance to ridicule me... Oh, the hilarity!).
Congratulations on getting featured, Amy! Those who are not open-minded enough to understand your individuality and preferences are less than you. But let's not be like the ones we hate. Just because they didn't take the time understanding you gives you the license to not exert effort to understand them. You're greater than them.Â
Love ya, Amy!
Yet another reason I hope to never be featured! I couldn't handle the crazy traffic.
We all have standards. Just because yours are different to mine, or stricter or less strict than anyone else's doesn't mean they are wrong or incorrect or even inapproptiate. They are personal and subjective and the only person who can dictate them is yourself.
A lot of your list disqualifies me from your interests, but it would be incredibly immature and nutjobbish for me to be offended by the fact that you are looking for something different from myself!! lol. I think that's what has riled people the most - the realisation that they are not perceived as an attractive mate by someone on the internet. It's their loss, not yours! :) haha!
And I'm definitely with you on the literature thing. If a girl doesn't read Shakespeare or appreciate Wilde, I'm thinking "WHAT?!" and I have stopped persuing women in the past when I have realised they don't know the difference between "your" and "you're!" Does that make me a bad person? According to xanga, yes!!! haha!
@TheL0ki - Thank you...my points exactly!
i love your list :)
honestly, even though i've been with my SO for close to five years... it makes me want to make a list... there are some things about my SO that irritate me... and trust me... there is enough about me that irritate him...
do i find it offensive when he tells me things that i should correct about myself?
if it's something stupid, sure i'll be offended and i'll tell him so... but he knows me WELL... and it's not so much that he wants to "change" me... but i guess improve me??? but he wants it for ME... and he's right...
i know this can come across really wrong as i'm not so great at explaining things.
a good example would be our standards when it comes to house keeping... i'm a cluttery pack rat kind of person... he's not... he has a pretty high standard of living and i *LIKE* that about him... i'm trying hard to become MORE like that... because i DO see a huge difference when i DO implement that in myself as well...
i could easily let papers and everything pile up on the table... i wasn't the kind of person to remotely care if we had a nice matching couch set... i would have happily taken his mother's old floral print couch and pair it with my leopard print couch....
however, with his higher standards we now have a beautiful chocolate brown leather couch set...
and you know what?? it's BETTER.... our place feels more put together... it feels more welcoming and more like a HOME....
so yeah... i've gone off on a ramble and don't even remember what my point was going to be...
lol, wow i'm bad at this... i shouldn't comment before my coffee! lol
I get what your saying and on the other post I agree with most of your list. I never said you were wrong though. you will find a guy that meets all that!!
I think Paul would say that you are going to have trouble in the flesh whether you marry or not because you are marrying a sinner and when you approach marriage that way, then you will understand how hard it is:
1 Cor. 7:28 But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.
You have a great list!
It reminds me of a list my friend and I made earlier this year with the type of men we want to marry. We put the list in Word and it was nearly 3 pages long the last time I checked.
It's good to be picky especially with your soul mate!
So maybe in your list you went a little too specific for people to understand. because here, you simply say a love for literature, instead of being specific and almost demanding that they attempt to understand/like Shakespeare just a love of literature, to share is more understandable. Along with the other things you reworded in this blog compared to the last. :)
@ErynnPixie - I didn't know I was to be featured. It was a spur of the moment musing.
Well if you didn't want those things then you'd be willing to settle for a jerk.
Basically.
You aren't ugly, but that's a bad photo for this blog. No offense. Your hair is unruly and your expression questionable.
I'm burnt, but it's implying embarrassment :) Don't feel badly.
Perhaps I'm homely, but I've rarely been allowed standards, let alone a list. I invite an adverse reaction if I were to imply either. Perhaps wanting someone to put thought into asking me out is equal to your list. But I'm not at all up to myself right now. Dating is out of the question. I'm amazed someone asked me out not too long ago. Desperation...
@Randomness9933 - I won't feel badly. I like the photo. To each his own.
@NightCometh - you are so 'cute' in your other photo. Perhaps this one is why some picked up on a pretentious theme. There's such a gravity of difference. Oh well. You are amusing to read!
Looks like a pretty reasonable list to me. People that find fault with it are simply belittleing themselves and making excuses for their less than ideal mate.
Your comment on my xanga is so true. It's something I battle with, unfortunately.
As for your list, I find it sort of inspiring. It seems that women oftentimes settle instead of finding a man that truly deserves them. It's very admirable that you actually have standards. I don't think that you're asking too much. And believe me, you're still young. Keep the faith that the perfect man will come alive and he will. I hope you find true happiness :]
It's good to know what you want. It's good to have standards. Just as long as you don't close your heart to someone because of it. If they can't stand shakespeare or have a tattoo- they could still be perfect for you, maybe even because of the "flaws".
But I also have to think that you are a rational person. It's a list of preferences and hopes and wants- but I don't think you would let yourself get cut off from love because of them.
And, people can say what they want. They don't have to date and possibly marry who you do. Especially when a post gets featured, that brings out the nay sayers.
i disagree.... Â you could never have made it four times as long... Â nope... Â you are very incapable of doing so... Â yeah...
Just kidding.. Â haha... Â just having fun with the idea of disagreeingÂ
I was actually neither of those types of commenters, but I agree with the first group. I'd be interested in the extended version of the list. Maybe I'll even make a list of my own.
Seriously, those standards aren't so bad. (In fact, I do agree, they must be pretty basic, since I know several people who I believe are within them.)
If somebody can't accept your viewpoints on something, especially on something like this that is core to who you are, then their opinion is invalid. Treat it as such.