April 16, 2013
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What’s your type?
I was just admiring the strikingly handsome, intelligent, and well-dressed (and single!) @GreekPhysique . We got into a conversation about the type of girl he likes, as far as physicality goes. He said he was afraid of posting about the body type he’s most attracted to, but was worried it would offend someone.
Which got me thinking…why is preference offensive to people? Why is saying that you like a girl who is thin considered snobbish, but saying you like a girl who is plump considered…well, “out there”. Some consider it racist to state that you prefer to date one race over another. Some are worried that their preference to date someone with no kids and hasn’t been married is “shallow”.Certainly we can see that all preferences for the opposite sex are affected by many things. Upbringing is certainly one of them. There is a sphere of acceptable preference, then there are deviant desires which go outside the sphere of what is okay to chase after. Certainly it’s okay to want someone with blue eyes, and its fine to go after that. It’s not okay to want someone under age 15 if you are 34. You might want it, and you can’t help desiring that, but indulging those desires is wrong. We CAN help our minds and what we think about and long after. We are not captive to our thoughts.So this brings me to the point, and a few questions:1. What is your type?2. Why do you think this is?3. If you are too embarrassed to admit some of the things you are attracted to, why do you think that is?I think we can learn much about ourselves from looking at our desires.Discuss
Comments (59)
Ahaha I have to rec this, and not just for the kind words. It’s a fair question! Why am I/we/whatever thinking that stating a preference is in some way offensive? I look forward to the comments.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with having preferences. I think it is silly that people get so easily offended.
As for my own preferences, I think I’d have to say that they were shaped by people I grew up admiring for their character traits. Integrity, honesty, courage, loyalty, etc. These traits drew me to them and then I started noticing how they looked and that basically determined what I was always finding myself attracted to physically.
I personally think that what immediately attracted me to my wife to be and it was instantaneous, was she resembled my dream girl greatly who was the late Yvonne De Carlo. She was brunette, olive colored skin, green eyes and amazing figure.
Later I noticed her personality–the opposite of mine.
In our marriage, I discovered her talents and many skills.
She turned out to be the storngtest smartest one in the family so she runs everything really well.
Only my ego is a little bruised, but I am very fortunate.
i don’t even know what my type is. i know what personality traits i like, intelligence, sense of humor, curiousity, strong willed and able to hold a conversation. i know what physical traits i enjoy the most, long hair, deep eyes, natural smile. but that is about where my preferences end. i do not prefer one body type, race or color over another.
I did a post on this a few years ago. It came down to more about personality and education than looks for what is really attractive (dating-wise). Speaking for physicality type though- slightly shorter than/smaller than me, dark (or red) longer hair, comfortable being “natural” (i.e. little to no make-up).
Also an oddity that I never really actively sought out but just so happened- an unusually high number of the girls I’ve been physically attracted to are left-handed. I can’t explain that one.
Yes, there’s nothing wrong with having a preference. I think people get the idea that just because I prefer to date a guy who’s taller than I am, that I would automatically dismiss someone who had dwarfism despite him meeting my criteria in terms of character. That is not the case at all. I think when your physical “type” is non-negotiable is the only time it’s a problem.
There are plenty of guys I find really handsome without knowing anything about them, but honestly, I don’t really have a type because I’m not attracted to someone until I do get to know him.
Physically, I just like a clean-cut appearance. And I am very attracted to those who are Eastern European, which is what I am, because I like that cultural bond. Culture/heritage is a very large part of my family and what I want to carry on to my children.
Personality… I like trusting, honest, loving, funny, religious, kind, giving.
1. What is your type?
I am attracted to red hair, especially curly red hair.
2. Why do you think this is?
I am not really sure. I have never actually been interested in someone with red hair. I have only talked or dated someone with blonde, brown, or black. I guess girls with red hair just seem different. Perhaps there is something about going against the norm I like. Not like anarchy or smoking or drugs but people who are not overly controlled and stoic.
3. If you are too embarrassed to admit some of the things you are attracted to, why do you think that is?
Eh, I guess I normally dont like saying anything (1) because while these might be preferences, I have never dated anyone with that trait. I know that a preference doesn’t mean we have to weed all others out. Some people do not know this. For instance, I would like to date and marry someone my own race; however, if I met someone who I was attracted to in different ways but was not white, I would weed them out just because they are not white. I think you have some people who would. I guess it just depends on the person.
I have no physical preference for men. For girls I prefer they wear yoga pants.
I don’t really have any preference personality wise either. It really just comes down to chemistry and how well I like talking to someone. If we can converse 24-7 I’ll likely fall in lurve.
People might take offense if the comment is phrased in a way that makes it seem like other body types are less attractive. The phrase “personal preference,” however, seems fine. Unless everyone’s personal preference is always some body type and not another, then you might kind of get used to seeing that particular body type as a threat. Or something. I dunno.
@randaness - But that’s kinda the point. Other body types ARE less attractive to that person. And that’s ok.
1. In a nutshell, intelligent, ambitious, tall, and usually white or of mixed background, who likes sports and video games, can make the decisions in the relationship, but will allow me to be independent and take control of the wheel when I desire. Finally, someone willing to travel the world with me and not have children.
2. I’m intelligent, ambitious, and independent, so I need someone to match and complement that. Because I’m heavier set and have masculine ideas and perspectives, it often overwhelms my femininity, so I like someone tall and generally big to make me feel small and feminine.
3. I wouldn’t say I’m embarrassed to say what I’m attracted to, but I do feel looked down upon because I preferentially find white men attractive. That doesn’t mean I don’t find other races attractive, because I do…I just find that I prefer the features common among white men. I think a lot of people view this as discriminatory because of the long history of racism, but I think it holds true that we don’t choose what we are attracted to.
I like a V style build from behind with a round behind…….and self confidence. I think I’m drawn to self confidence because I admire it since I have so little of it myself…….but my husband is none of those things……or maybe he does have self confidence because I’ve never known him to compromise what he thinks to please someone else……I had the V style guy once……and he was a cheat…….and a liar…….give me my boxy loyal guy over the body style issue any day of the week and I’m happy.
I really dig Amish chicks. I just wish that the Amish were not so cliquey
When it comes to women, I’m omnivorous.
I like atheistic girls– preferably with stubby horns and cute leathery wings.
I tend to be attracted to intelligence. It is hard for me to find a woman attractive if she is not intelligent. I am also attracted to the type of woman who would help a homeless person. I like kindness.
@Celestial_Teapot - I’m your gal!
@TheTheologiansCafe - You’re attracted to double D’s.
@NightCometh - Well, I didn’t say less attractive to the person. THAT’S fine. What I said is that sometimes it can be phrased like “this is the BEST body type and all the others are less attractive.” Just in general.
My heart melts for a tall man with a cute smile (as does every women im sure… but i really like tall men…
I dont have a particular type of guy. as long as he is responsible, mature, loyal and faithful its ok. pleasing personality but he doesnt need to be physically artractive.
I usually like girls who are shorter than me (I stand at a shorter-than-average-for-guys 5 foot 6 inches). The past 3 girlfriends were all 5’2″ and shorter. I do not have any qualms with girls who are the same height or even slightly taller, though. I also like a girl who shows that she can take care of herself; not overweight and out of shape to the point that she is out of breath after a few flight of stairs, but also not sickly skinny where it would seem like I might snap her in half if I hug her. I do like a little bit of meat on her. That’s usually it for physical attraction.
A girl who can have conversations with me about anything, a thirst for knowledge and learning about things, a foodie, a great sense of humor, and possesses compassion and kindness are what makes me stay. I get turned on by intellectual conversations.
(Hopefully, that isn’t too much that it would label me snobby).
I’m so glad you posted this, because I am actually struggling with this. Last night at church someone told me that some people had been talking, and they think I plus this single guy who’s been coming to our church should date, and I really don’t want to. I am not physically attracted to him, and I just found out that he’s 41! He’s 15 years older than I am.
Even if he were my age, I still wouldn’t want to date him, just because I don’t feel attracted to him. Is that shallow? I don’t know.
1. What is your type? My type is preferably athletic, or at least not morbidly obese. Personality-wise, I want someone who’s a Christian, an old-fashioned gentleman who is chivalrous.
2. Why do you think this is? I think it’s because I want my man to take care of his body, and because I was brought up to be a Christian and was taught that men should be gentlemen.
3. If you are too embarrassed to admit some of the things you are attracted to, why do you think that is? I’m not embarrassed. I’m attracted to guys who: have a (clean) sense of humor, like little kids/babies, are on fire for God, laid-back, can make me laugh, and have a hot body.
Physically I like Middle Eastern guys and find them really attractive when they are mixed with Western :p
1. What is your type? – slender guys with strong arms and shoulders, ash/dirty blond hair, a complexion that tans well, a great smile and a big heart. I used to be attracted to the “bad boy” type, but after being seriously ‘burned,’ I find myself far more interested in sensitive guys. LOL
2. Why do you think this is? – I think my physical preferences in guys began as purely incidental. Every boyfriend I’ve had since I was 11 had blond hair and a similar complexion.
3. If you are too embarrassed to admit some of the things you are attracted to, why do you think that is?
I was recently called racist for stating that I like to date German guys. Someone else in the conversation said she exclusively dates black guys. I’m not ashamed of my preference, but I do find it interesting that some find it racist [in a negative connotation] to have a racial preference in dating. Sure it is “racist,” but people are typically called out on racism when they express it in a hateful way.
I think it’s okay to have preferences but it’s not okay to be hateful towards things that you don’t have a preference towards. Eg. I love green or blue eyes BUT I’m not going to say that I hate brown ones and that any guy with brown eyes doesn’t have a chance with me haha
@amateurprose - the clickey statement made me giggle
I like women period. I’ll have sex with any womam who wants me to give it to her, sadly, I am not desirable.
@RulerofMasons - Maybe you should work on yourself and be healthy, and wait for marriage with a quality woman.
@NightCometh - There are lots of women, quality or not, white or black, so many women each having unique traits, and we’re suppose to choose one? Insane.
@RulerofMasons - Not insane
Awesome, dedicated, committed. That’s love.
I honestly don’t have a type. I’ll date just about anyone. I’m pretty strict with the no drugs thing, and kids make me uneasy so those guys are out. And ex-wives intimidate me, so those guys are on shaky ground.
@NightCometh - If you really love men, one man can’t be your special one, but if he is to you, I will not stop you from believing that you two were meant for each other, and that he fullfills you, I cannot change the world, women need one daddy, men like to control a pet woman. The world has gone mad.
@RulerofMasons - I love God more than men, and I believe He will give me my husband in His time. The world IS mad, and God is the only one who makes sense of it.
What happened to your really tall bf?
GREAT post and topic btw…
1. What is your type?
Heh… I know that I have a “type” that I’m attracted to. It’s tallish, on the thin/gangly side, gorgeous hair (color isn’t really a preference, however I’ve mostly been attracted to blondes my whole life) and BLUE eyes.
“UGLY” …
The ugly thing is a joke, but apparently I have always liked men that are “unattractive” to everyone else. >_> I’ve been told this repeatedly unfortunately…
However… this is funny… I will honestly deviate immensely if a person has something slightly… off about them. O_o… that sounds really weird, but it is the truth and always has been. I’ve always been attracted to people with something slightly off kilter/ slightly different. For instance, I LOVE people with exotropia. WEIRD! I know! And not EXTREME, but a little is really really neat to me!
The man that I am currently attracted to has “silver” hair even though he’s young. IT’S REALLY AMAZING!
I will also deviate immensely if I “like” a person. If he’s nice, then I will absolutely see him as more attractive than maybe first appeared.
2. Why do you think this is?
I have absolutely no idea. I really have always wondered why I was attracted to the tall, gangly, blonde guy… honestly? All I can figure was perhaps some of the movies that I saw as a child where the love interest was blonde? O_o
3. If you are too embarrassed to admit some of the things you are attracted to, why do you think that is?
Not embarrassed at all.
@RulerofMasons – This made me smile
I like your honesty. I feel pretty much the same way. I take what I can get.
Your work article, blogs I mean over all contents is must read stuff. satchel.co
my type: cute woman
why: because i like to look at cute woman
1. Personality first. Strong, loyal, funny, someone with their own viewpoint
Physically? I’ve been all over the board. I like a guy with muscle though.
2. Personality: Faithfulness to 1 partner is super important and I have a big personality myself so I need someone to match it, I’ve dated more submissive types but… still single.
Physically? I like roughhousing. Grew up in a family that roughhoused for fun.
3. There has to be some level of intrigue
I like tall athletic men – good shape but not too much muscle – a 6 pack is nice too. We need that initial attraction – without it we may as well all be the same!
My type has breasts and a clitoris.
When I was young, I dreamt of being with a tanned guy with green eyes and brown hair, all modelly xD My husband is an entirely different race & religion, and I think I will *always* find him attractive! I have fancied and dated all sorts of guys from all sorts of backgrounds. I don’t really know.. I guess I’m not that picky?
I am lucky enough to be married to a man who is exactly my type
Dark, handsome, funny, not too muscular, kind hearted and warm, sweet, hard working, fun, outdoorsy, great father, giving, modest. Thank you for this post, a wonderful reminder of how lucky I am to have him 
I would never date someone who already has children. I would never date until all my kids are adult. So basically, I wouldn’t date
Back when I was an undergrad/grad student, I dated whomever was interesting, well-traveled, open-minded, tolerant of differences. Of course, I only wanted to date guys who were attracted to me. It was nice to feel wanted. As for physical traits, no one shorter than me.
I like tallish (not too tall) men with big, barrel chests (not necessarily muscular…just that kind of build). Grey hair is gorgeous, and so is a thick, beautiful mustache! And yet…
I married Michael. Short. Really short. Muscular, but wiry and thin. DARK hair that will likely stay that for most of his life (like his parents). Pokey, wiry mustache. And yet…
I think he’s SUPER handsome!
I guess I didn’t need any of those things after all… … (but they’re still my preference.)
@mellywelly15 - that’s short-sighted. Tall men may be good for getting topshelf stuff for you, but when it’s time to get DOWN to the nitty-gritty you will find them to be remote, and not entirely accessible. I think you should reconsider your opinion. All it may take is a heel-lift in the shoes, and you will find bliss.
I think physical preference is a TOTAL ILLUSION that only leads to failure. Better you were BLIND and judged love by the quality of the touch and the sound of the voice. what you are looking for is a LIFE’s COMPANION, and that goes way beyond physical appearance – which is such a shallow and misleading category – and goes into personal realms that are much more satisfying and long lasting.
Me personally I have no specific type or a long list of “must haves”. I like what I like, and it could vary by the person. I often think people hinder themselves with a list of things they need physically in a person. The reason being is just because they meet your physical quota, doesn’t mean they will meet your mental one. But at the end of the day it is that individuals choice.
@mortimerZilch - Better a sharp shooter, than a game player!!! What more could i possibly want??? Stuble, charisma & makes me laugh. Bliss! (:
a warm smile is important
people who like children and animalspeople who don’t use I or me in every sentencepeople who listen as well as they speaka pocket full of moola wouldn’t hurt my feelings but ….
I find myself most attracted to black men. And I’m not ashamed of it. My family however makes fun of me sometimes for this. I have dated a variety of races, I like men who are very masculine, take charge, and are outgoing and physically strong. I think black men are super sexy.
What’s my type? A gentleman. I don’t think they even exist anymore.
Why is that my type? Because I grew up with gentlemen as examples in my life. I don’t think they exist anymore.
Am I ashamed to admit that I want a gentleman? No, but I doubt that I will find the one I am looking for.
To know oneself is to know what one wants. Ive struggled with this all my life, disregarding my desires and coupling to the desires of others.
Well – physically – you appear to be pretty close to my “type”. But I am NOT driven by that. There is another type of beauty that transcends the physical. You seldom hear people talk about it – because most people are indeed too obsessed with the physical to even notice there are other type(s) of beauty. There is a beauty that transcends shape, skin and hair color, age, weight – all that stuff that withers or mellows with age. It’s almost as if the physical nature of things acts as a veil to the inner beauty that exists all around us. Ha! Much like “words” that are meant to convey reality or “truth” often – in the end – obscure it for many.
Oh! And you still have my birthday! LOL!
1. My type is eyes as blue as the desert sky, a smile wider than the horizon, a full womanly figure, and long peppery hair.
2. This is because I fell in love with a woman who looks like this. If she’d've been a six-foot ten-inch beanpole blonde with green eyes, then that would’ve become my type. If she’d've been a four-foot one-inch Twa woman from the Congolese jungle, as wide as she is tall, then that’d've become my type.
3. My wife is the most beautiful woman on the face of the Earth, and there has never been another more beautiful. This does not embarrass me at all.
1. What is your type? Physically: I like “fat” guys. I am an unashamed “chubby chaser”. Seriously though, I like guys that are hearty and have a hefty build. If they have muscles, great. If not, great too.
I really like curly hair.
I really like a ruddy/tan complexion—not sure why to be honest. One of my friends has a theory that people who are white tend to like darker skinned partners and vice versa. I also as a general rule like VERY MASCULINE men. I’m very feminine, so that is the biggest reason why (besides the fact that my dad is out of the picture mostly).
Personality:I like someone that is charming and can have a good conversation with. I like to talk. I talk A LOT, so someone who can listen well or talk just as much as me is good. Christian is a must.
2. Why do you think this is?Physically: I think I desire close contact with guys because my father was not in my life the way he should have been. I think that causes me to like guys that are more comforting to hug/cuddle with than someone who is super skinny. As for the curly hair, I think that’s because I love playing with it and I think it’s pretty to look at.
Personality: I think I am attracted to people who talk, but manage to end up with people who are very quiet just because balance is very important. My boyfriends still have had good convos with me, but if both of us were super talkers I think it would be strange/awkward/make the relationship too hard.
3. If you are too embarrassed to admit some of the things you are attracted to, why do you think that is?I think when I am too embarrassed to admit something I am attracted to is because I am afraid of being judged. I also know at that point it is for the sake of conversation, so I don’t have to go into it if I don’t want to.
Hm! I think I’m pretty flexible with looks but i typically like guys with darker features, and I usually am most attracted to guys that are American but not white. At least my height or taller and not morbidly obese.
I rarely find guys who I really am able to connect with personality-wise. I’d only consider dating someone if they were really in love with Jesus. I also really value sincerity, humility, the ability to lead, quirkiness, a sense of humor that is similar to mine (SO HARD TO FIND), creativity, an appreciation for the arts…
AND I kind of am currently talking to someone who encompasses all these things which is really crazy.