May 25, 2013
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Anger
“Why, Abby? You must tell me what it is. I’ve always been dissatisfied, I know that. But lately I find that I reek of discontentment. It fills my throat, and it floods my brain. And sometimes I fear there is no longer a dream, but only the discontentment. ” – John Adams, 1776
I’ve been angry for about 4 days.I don’t know precisely why. I don’t known what set me off. It’s not a temporary anger like when someone cuts you off in traffic, or uses “less” instead of “fewer” in the express grocery lane. It’s like a sine wave, always there just under the surface. And it plunges me in every so often.I know one of the foci. The man who ended our relationship and would rather play video games than love me. I bet any girl, or any person really, would be angry at that. It is an angry thing to bury your dreams and hopes for a relationship. One that you hoped would lead to marriage. One that you gave up and sacrificed for. To see your vulnerability end in burns and scars. To see the sweetness turn to fiberglass and cut you. To end love in pain. It leads to anger.There are other things of which I dare not speak.They’ve probably got me over a barrel, because I can’t speak. This is the internet. You can’t be who you are because someone might read what you write and then know who you are and what you think, and that’s not okay. So the internet is not a good place to explore your feelings when they are negative. Only positive feelings allowed on the internet. Unless it’s negativity about killing puppies, or chemically altered food, or toward Republicans. Those are okay rant topics.But we live in the land of smiles, otherwise.I feel like anger chemically alters one’s brain.I feel like it sucks away energy and replaces it with something akin to caffeine in the bloodstream. It produces massive amounts of fake energy (((rage))) which seems to kill the body and mind instead of building them up. Anger is like radiation; it destroys the vessel in which it’s contained.I don’t want to be destroyed.I don’t want to destroy others, either.What I really want is for people to behave. I want the world to be set right. I want for things to be *fair*.I want all wrongs to be righted.I want for every hurt to be healed.I want for every weaker person run over by a bully to be vindicated.I want correctness. I want peace.Jesus died to set everything in order. Everything. Even my hurts. Even my tears.Even the *most* hurtful thing that I can’t talk about…every valley shall be exalted, and every mountain made lowIt’s not only pardon for sin. It’s everything made right. It will all be taken care of. Do I have faith? Can I wait enough?Sometimes it’s hardest to believe that Jesus cares about the miniscule things. I have such a low view of myself that the things that matter most to me …things in my personal life, things that are in my sights when I wake in the morning, feet from my bed…the mess around my room, the way my car drives, the guilt I feel in my memories, the times I’ve been hurt, the rude things I’ve said to people, the things I’ve selfishly taken, the bad thoughts I have toward others, the way the traffic lights fall that is unjust…Jesus cares about all of these. Do I have faith? Can I wait enough?I must. I can and I must.I don’t know of another cure of anger. I know how to *deal* with it. I have punched plenty a pillow in my day. I’ve screamed into pillows, too. I’ve cursed silently (and out loud, sadly). I’ve taken it out on people, which I don’t recommend. I’ve taken it out on myself, which is also not recommended. And I’ve despaired and let it turn to depression.Maybe I could give it to Jesus? Surely he cares. Surely he cures.I’ll let you know how it goes. I don’t have the answers. I just know who I need.
Comments (24)
Sorry you’re dealing with all that. Hope you feel better soon.
You are the last person in the world I would expect a post like this from….don’t worry about expressing yourself, it makes you human…….my husband is a video game addict and I see the back of his head way more than I see the front……it’s been that way for years…….sometimes it bothers me but I just hang out with the children most of the time……..you have said here what I have tried to say for years but not as directly as you did……about life being fair and things being set right…….I vented to christian people about issues that bothered me, family issues……and they reminded me that you can’t expect some people to be anything other than who they are because they are incapable of empathy…….it takes a God sized heart to have empathy…….and you only get that from God…….I will tell you this….judging from your posts and who you are, nothing should get you down for long……….and I pray it doesn’t!
Anger has its place. It is best when it fires our sense of fairness, and leads us to do our part to make things better around us.
I hope you find peace soon.
Well, I’m here with you in the fight. There’ve been plenty of loony-mad days in my past, things I’ve wrangled with a long time, misplaced and perhaps correctly placed anger. ‘Tis the way of being human. I’ve sat here a while trying to come up with something true and comforting. There’s not always peace and an end to hurt, but I like to try now and then.
He picked video games over you? That is so lame. Sorry he did that. You didn’t deserve that.
{{{hugs}}}
I’m sorry.
I too, want justice. I want all wrongs to be righted. I’ve had trouble forgiving people who have hurt me deeply, and sometimes I feel like God doesn’t care that they hurt me, but I know He does care. He cares so very much about you, and I. It’s just letting it go and over to God that’s hard for me. *hugs*
Ashley
im a Christian and im always angry and sad… i hate myself and hate my life.
I have no life changing advice. You are doing it right in my eyes
I gained great peace by owning the shame of my own mistakes. That’s because my shame was a healthy reaction to my own iniquity.
Maybe if you took ownership of your anger because it is a righteous and true anger you’d be able to let go of the past.
I am sorry this is so tough for you, but it is understandable. I deal with resentment. It is not there all of the time, but it is a frequent visitor.
I really do not expect much to get better. I could be wrong, but I do not thing Jesus promised us things would get better in life and the world—until He returns. I think He promised trouble for Believers. I just feel that I have been very fortunate to have missed real hardships. I was without food once for three days, but babies starve to death in the world. I did not make V.P. in the company, but I was only out of work three weeks in my entire life.
I was never popular with girls, but one girl has been with me decades. I have been sick all of my life in some way, but I am seventy-nine and might make eighty.
You lost a young man you loved. I am sorry that happened to you. I wish I could make you promises. All I know is God is in your life and using you to exhort people on critical issues that no one, including me, wants to touch. That will make your life tough and lonely in my opinion, but you are doing the right thing.
I sure wish you could feel better. I have had it kind of easy and maybe that is due to my lack of zeal for the things of God.
I wish you well.
well, nobody can say you don’t have the problem clearly in your sights. nobody can say you are delusional either. ha! listen honey, why do you think Catholics have Jesus’ dead body hanging on the Cross? Because that’s the way it is. Welcome home.
Wow, I really needed to read this right now. I’m not usually an angry person, but I am right now over (much) smaller issues than the ones affecting you. And I’m with you, anger is so toxic, I can feel it damaging my tissues. Thanks for being honest.
Anger can be tricky. I often wonder why it even exists, but without anger there wouldn’t be passion. You’ll find you’re way {:
I know I can “see” the place where all is made right in my mind’s eye and I also can “see” the place where rage emanates. Mine is a dormant volcano. It is there but inactive. It became dormant when I accepted Christ as my personal savior and example. There still is the hot molten anger generating energy, but that energy can be channeled. I do my part. I ask Him to use me for His will and I do think about that all day. Otherwise, He is making it all right even here while I am in the flesh.
((( O people Say No God But Allah, Achieve Eternal Salvation )))
” Laa illaha illa lah .” (There is none worthy of worship except Allah.)
( I bear witness that there is none worthy of worship except Allah and I bear witness that Muhammad is His servant and messenger )
http://aslam-ahmd.blogspot.com
( Introduction to Islam )
Jesu cares but the man you are writing about does not so put him in your rear view mirror and move on with your life…yo will live to regret it if you don’t…Your life id too precious to waste on an asshole like him.
First (((hugs)))
“What I really want is for people to behave. I want the world to be set right. I want for things to be *fair*.
I want all wrongs to be righted.I want for every hurt to be healed.I want for every weaker person run over by a bully to be vindicated. I want correctness. I want peace.”
Me too.
“Maybe I could give it to Jesus?”
Or maybe you could go for a walk?
find a nice place to walk, and just let Him be with you? Usually works for me, in helping to right my emotions. Being outdoors, active, and in nature created by God. I can lose myself when I am walking outdoors. Helps to take an mp3 player and listen to some Christian music too… tune out the world auditorily, while tuning it in visually.
I also kept telling myself during the worst times… ‘this too shall pass’.
its ok to be angry sometimes but dont let the anger destroy and control u. cheer up
I heard someone say today to be grateful that I’m not living in their head and that made me laugh.
when I was single I was angry a lot cause there wasn’t a man who lived up to my standards but I think maybe I was too hard even on myself.
Being single was hard for me and I would say,”God, I’m ready for a man” and a gal told me that maybe God was finished with me but he wasn’t finished with him.
when I meet my hubby now it was funny cause he said,”5 yrs ago you wouldn’t have liked me.”
Sorry to hear your heart was broken that way.
*hug*
I struggle with how to deal with my anger as well. All I can do if pray that peace and calmness comes to me and heals my heart.
So much pain in this life, we all need a hiding place. Jesus is mine, and yours too when you wish.
http://youtu.be/_dR0H0tAYT8
Take it out on me! I’m thoroughly wicked and pretty tough.
I am feeling sorry for you. Hope things would be fine with you soon. I think getting angry is so very natural when we have to confront such situations in life. You have done the right thing by sharing this post with us. It might not mitigate your pains and sorrow but it will definitely make you a bit strong to deal with the situation. Remember, you deserve best and will get one soon.
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