March 27, 2012
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About a year and a half ago I lost two friends on the same day. They decided, (I have always guessed) together, that I just wasn’t worth their time anymore. On nights like tonight I sit up and think of them, and wonder if they ever miss me, or if it was just good riddance.
I have recurring thoughts that I wish would up and leave me. I feel totally helpless and ineffective against them sometimes. As if all the good I’ve done, all the good I know how to do…and have the potential to do…is utterly sapped by these thoughts. Can you stop thinking? Can you stop your thoughts from going down a certain path?
I certainly have not ever been able to. Now would be a good time to start.
Christ before me, Christ behind me
Christ on my left, Christ on my right
Christ at my head, Christ at my feet.
Comments (13)
I completely know how you feel, some of my friends have just stopped bothering with me and it wasn’t anything I’ve done or said to make it be this way. I have just stopped and said to myself, if they don’t think I’m worth the time, are they worth my thoughts of them? my feelings for them? I don’t think so, these occurrences have a way of telling us that its time to make a break, move on etc. I love the end of your blog “Christ before me, Christ behind me, Christ on my left, Christ on my right, Christ at my head, Christ at my feet” that’s something I will keep in mind now that I’ve read your blog and have it as the focus of everyday, thank you for writing this
I would say they weren’t really your friends but I know how it can dominate your mind. Time heals wounds and wounds heels. Some things just take a little more time than others. God bless.
First of all, what a beautiful profile pic!
When I entered the Jesuits all of my past friends except for a couple just kind of drifted away, save for those friends I had made most recently in the previous two years while discerning religious life. Sometimes I wonder about those friends but for the most part I let them go; often God brings friends into our lives to accompany us for a part of it and then as we grow, we outgrow them. Not every friendship is meant to be lifelong I suppose.
As for recurring thoughts that leave us utterly defeated, yes, they do happen. All we can do is try our best to oppose them, to not embrace them or indulge them, and reach out for Christ when we are assaulted by them. When they do finally pass we have to remind ourselves that He loves us no less for them; don’t let them drive you away in shame to hide from God like Adam and Eve did. Rather let them humble you into realizing even moreso your delicate humanity and your utter reliance upon Christ for your defense and salvation. Whenever such things occur in my own life I always try to let them drive me closer to Him instead of tearing me away.
If ever you need someone to talk to, you know how to get a hold of me.
It’s really hurtful when people do things like this without letting you know why, or try to make you understand why. Yes, sometimes I get some dark thoughts that lead me down a very depressing road. I’m not sure how to stop them; I’ve tried various ways: interrupting them with activity, analyzing them for the root of the problem, prayers (back when I did still pray), meditation, even just plain old ignoring them and doing something else like watching TV to distract myself. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t and you just have to try not to let the bad feelings sink you, at least not for too long.
That’s painful. I tend to be a “dweller” too. I found that if I just pour my heart out to God and have a good cry and give it to Him, that when the thoughts return, I say to them, “Jesus and I talked about this so I don’t have to think about it anymore.” It really helps me to remember that I don’t need to carry that burden anymore.
I try not to rehash the past because it often leaves me sinking into depressive feelings. When I am really trying to not let my thoughts dominate my mind, I pray constantly. Even sing, if I have to. It has helped me a lot. Usually God will meet me and help me keep my mind focused on other things.
As Christians, we’re in a battle. We all will have losses, griefs and disappointments b/c we live in a fallen world, but how are we going to handle them? Are we going to set our minds on things above or not? The devil, the world, and our flesh want us to keep looking at ourselves and our circumstances, and that leads us down the deadly path of doubt, depression, and despair. We need to understand that we are already seated in heavenly places and gird up the loins of our minds with God’s truth, so we might take comfort in His sovereign goodness and everlasting love toward us (in spite of appearances). I really like Psalm 13 in the NIV (I’m not a fan of the NIV, but I do like this rendering):
1 How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
3 Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
4 my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.
I thought I’d written a blog specifically on that Psalm, but I’ve not (yet), though I included a little bit about it here. (Also see here re: how we must fill our minds about the truth about God, and here about how we can be kept from going down the “paths of the destroyer” (Psalm 17).) (Today’s the 3 year anniversary of the death of one of my friends to brain cancer.)
(((hugs))) and prayers,
Karen
I like where you went with your thoughts:
Christ before me, Christ behind me
Christ on my left, Christ on my right
Christ at my head, Christ at my feet.
Blessings as you allow Christ to transform your thoughts.
During my divorce, I called up people right and left. I burned up the phone lines. After my divorce, I got dropped like a hot potato. Nobody answered the voicemails. I didn’t need to get hit over the head to get the message. I became a recluse.
Today a friend from bygone years called. It seems to be true when God closes a door, He opens a window.
This thing of taking every thought captive; 2 Corinthians 2:15, there are 2 ways to say it; cavalierly, with s superior attitude, or humbly, encouragingly, from one grunt to another in the trenches. St. Paul despaired of life itself., 2 Cor. 1:8. He went through the throes of loneliness again before his martyrdom.
http://biblebrowser.com/2_timothy/4-9.htm
One can only imagine the alternately soaring heights and plummeting depths his heart was experiencing.
I’m not sure why they decided to do it, and to be honest, it might have been for a reason you couldn’t help. I have been on the other end of this situation a couple of times, but usually for good reasons.. It is thier loss, you are a very wonderful person
@cerwindoris - Thank you…this is a small piece (not even quoted exactly) from the Breastplate of St. Patrick, which is a lovely prayer/song if you ever get the chance to look at it.
They’re not worth bothering with. Years ago, before I started talking to you, my best friends in the whole entire world dropped me because I refused to drive them around bar hopping. By having them out of my life I freed up space in my orbitofrontal cortex for better people and without the constant pop-in visits and having them try to drag me out to bars I was able to start getting things done.
So being dropped by alleged friends (not saying you’re making them up, just saying people who profess friendship then drop you for little to no reason seem like you were just a means to an end) may be a hidden blessing.
They probably do. I know when I’ve had to break away from friends I’ve thought about them down the road. Of course, how you’ve treated them may determine how you appear in their minds.
- Coral