April 27, 2013
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Spilling hurt on the table
When feel such intense pain, we must let it out or it will destroy us like radiation.
The problem is, that expressing our pain online in words often comes across at attention grabbing, fishing for sympathy, and the like. (I was told that I was just trying for sympathy the other day and should “get over” my breakup at this point. It was one month ago today). So I guess writing is out.Those of us who can express in art and dance do well. Wordless things can cry just as much as words. We can weep into musical composition or performance, unless the instrument is a voice (like mine) which tends to not do well when the singer is crying.Words betray us. Darn those words.It’s much more ambiguous to express in pictures and sounds. I wish I were gifted in these areas so I wouldn’t look arrogant.As for me, I’ll just blog about how I find few ways to express my broken heart. And I don’t think it’s wrong to have a broken heart. I don’t think it’s wrong to express that. I trust Jesus no less today than I did a year ago. I don’t think he shuns my broken heart, and he definitely won’t decide that he doesn’t love me any more and can do better. I love him.I was supposed to be on tour right now. For whatever reason, I’m not. This hurts my heart. My body type? Am I too fat? I think of this a lot.I was uninvited to a wedding this month.I was asked to sing in a charity benefit performance tomorrow for the victims of West, TX. For whatever reason, some of them decided they didn’t want me to, so I got uninvited. I will stay home alone.I am not asking for sympathy. I’m asking for sharing. I’m asking for it to be okay for me to share my pain with fellow humans, who I know share so many pains themselves. I’m opening my heart and asking for grace with all this dark mess. Life hurts, and it hurts for people to chide you for showing your weaknesses. May we all have some compassion.May we all come to a valley, soon. Let not every road be a rocky one.
Comments (32)
*listens while hugging you*
There’s no set time to get over something. Just ignore anybody who tells you that.
I don’t know if this necessarily applies to you, but I know it does and has for me. This is one of those video clips I had to watch, think about for a day or two, then watch a few more times for it to completely sink in. Good preaching does that sometimes. May God change our hearts accordingly…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51hwn0h5brU
@David - That link just goes to youtube’s front page. Too bad.
I know the deep pain of being rejected… Uninvited…tantalized with something, and then having it ripped from you. I am so sorry. There is no shame in sorrow or mourning… Even Christ felt sorrow and he, too, mourned.
I don’t think you’re seeking attention or being arrogant at all. I’m sorry someone told you that.
And I agree with the person above me, there’s no set time to “get over” something. There are things I still haven’t gotten over, in years.
*HUGS*.
Whoops. Let me try the link again.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51hwn0h5brU
If this doesn’t work, try searching Youtube for
Wretched: Suffering without sinning.
This is a Todd Friel clip from his Wretched show.
Donkey nuzzles… Things will get better…
Amen. I will never tell you to ‘get over it’. You take as long as you need. I say the longer it takes only reveals how deep was the love, and if we can not love deeply then do we really love at all. May God bless and keep you, and comfort your heart.<3
@Donkey_Guy_10 - Aww, that’s cute.
@JstNotherDay - Thank you. I’m kinda sick of loving, though. No one is ever willing to love me the same way.
Hi Amy,
I have never that the kind of rejection that you experienced. I think affairs of the heart cause the most pain based on what I have seen. I had a boy friend drop me because I would not go to his college. I had a girl stab me in the back, but it was my fault for being so stupid. My wife to be dumped me for 4 months and then wanted me back.
I am sorry your are hurting, but nice to see your faith and love for Jesus is undiminished.
blessings
frank
You’re right. It should be ok to share your pain. Praying for you.
@NightCometh - I’m in that same boat. I think I’ve accepted that what I want just isn’t out there.
@JstNotherDay - It’s not, unless God has created someone for me. I leave it up to Him. I trust Him.
@NightCometh - Yep, that’s exactly how I feel about it.
Things seem to pile one on another when you’re hurting, don’t they? Our God is an awesome God, though, and He will keep you in His arms always. Weeping with you.
methinks that your being uninvited says more about the people doing the uninviting than about you. that’s plain old rude. and even if their plans changed, that’s not the way you handle it. I wish often in this day and age that I could pass out copies of ANY etiquette book and make sure that people learned lessons from them!
I have become more satisfied with others when I began giving them some room for grace. you said in a comment above that people don’t treat you the way you treat them. I do the same thing, and have been horribly hurt when I moved heaven and earth for someone… then when the opportunity came for them to do the same, they chose not to participate to the same level.
this is normal for my personality to go above and beyond. it’s how I apparently express love. however, I realized recently that it is unfair for me to hold people of differing personalities to the same level and kind of love that I express.
and once I lowered that expectation and started attempting to see how THEY expressed love… the relationships improved. I saw them in a new light, and appreciated them for who THEY were created to be, rather than comparing them to my ”epitome of perfection”. lol.
I say all this not to offend you… I hope that you read this and perhaps it reveals something internally to you. this could TOTALLY NOT be what is happening in your life. I know that I wish someone had shared some perspective with me… and out of that I share this with you.
sending you some hugs, too. glad to be back here… reading and hopefully sharing some support.
I so get this…. <3
I hope and pray good things for you to come!
@Doubledb - Thank you! Me too!!
give it time…its good to mourn and tears are the anti-freeze of the soul.
to me, opening up and sharing is how we keep from going mad! like you said at the start.. it’s a radiation that held in will destroy us. but in the letting out comes such vulnerability- especially online where you can’t see faces, read reactions, hear tones of voices. ~ but all the emotions you expressed are so real and so “normal.” we’ve all been there. the questioning and hurting and fighting to keep on. so thank you.. for pushing past any of those fears or what others have said and just letting it out. it really is our weaknesses that often connect us. and community is found when we open our hearts. blessings to you, girl!
take whatever time you need to heal. this is your blog -vent, grieve, whatever you need to do !
@NightCometh - @JstNotherDay - i tell myself that one of 2 things will happen: (1) God will bring me the one that i wish for and deserve, the one He’s given me the desire for. He’s given me the desire for a guy with certain qualities for a reason. the God i know wouldn’t give me them just to leave me hanging. or (2) one day i will no longer have the desire to be married. God will remove the desire and i will feel 100% whole in Him.
‘I am not asking for sympathy. I’m asking for sharing. I’m asking for it to be okay for me to share my pain with fellow humans, who I know share so many pains themselves.’ -
I like how you put that. That’s exactly how I feel. But people don’t seem to want to share and talk too much.
@captivated_byHislove -
My sorrow is not meant to make you uncomfortable or to draw attention to
myself. My sorrow is my sorrow which every day I work to conceal inside.
Sometimes a sight, sound, smell or memory can break the walls of control
holding my sorrow and it comes spilling out. Please don’t be upset with me, I
don’t do it for your sake, it has nothing to do with you; after all it is my
sorrow.
This is not attention seeking it is merely expressing that life hurts right now and that happens to all of us.
I hope the sun shines on you soon and warms your soul.
@captivated_byHislove - I’m commenting on Amy’s response, “one of two things will happen:” Your wisdom in Christ is showing here. The wisdom to yield totally to His plans for us seems always to come through much pain. May Our Lord comfort you and strengthen you each and every day.
I’m going through a rough patch too — I read this wonderful blog post today and I thought I’d share: http://sheworships.com/2013/04/29/how-not-to-help-someone-after-a-breakup/
Sorry, I know stuff like that really sucks sometimes!!! I like sharing stuff too. People often take it as complaining, but if you’re just being honest then I don’t think it is. Your perspective is good so you’re just being honest. Again, sorry about the stuff that’s been going on.
http://www.adventistbookcenter.com/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/250×300/17f82f742ffe127f42dca9de82fb58b1/1/3/1307.jpg
http://www.sundijo.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/jesus_child.jpg
http://u.jimdo.com/www14/o/sd109ae899579ed84/img/ic9d7d2716a4555ed/1358851217/std/image.jpg
& to seal the deal
http://yosepsihotang.files.wordpress.com/2013/03/jesus-and-the-lamb-jesus-31753482-1280-1823.jpg
you’re His little lamb