January 16, 2013

January 3, 2013

  • Happy 100th Birthday, Grandaddy!

    One hundred years ago, today, a baby was born.  He was born into poverty, a family in a two room house with 10 children in East Texas.  He grew up, and learned to run, and he never stopped.  He ran until he could run no more (when he had a stroke in his late eighties).  Even with a world record in track, he wasn't finished.  

    He learned, and he didn't stop.  He hitchhiked his way to college and convinced Pat Neff, the president of Baylor University, to let him in and that he'd pay when he could.  He became a pastor and went to seminary, pastoring small churches and met his wife in while singing Messiah in the seminary chorus.  He got his doctorate, had three children, one of whom died.  He went on to be a founder or Dallas Baptist University and taught Bible there until he retired at age 90.  The most important thing, though, was that was he best safari in the woods guide, and bow-and-arrow maker, and giver of piggy back rides a little girl could wish for.  
    Happy Birthday, Grandaddy.  I miss you so much, and I will see you in Heaven!
    I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.  2nd Timothy 4:7

  • Today I did the Dr. Who/elliptical thing again.  I'm on Season 4 of Dr. Who, and that might confuse British people because they call it "series" instead of "season".  Silly them.  

    Anyway...it's  really good length of time to stay on the elliptical and watch one episode. I get my Dr. fix and get to burn about 350-450 calories at the same time.  That's pretty golden, if you ask me.  
    I have a sleeping Zorro cat next to me.  He's my constant companion, of late.

January 1, 2013

  • A good start

    Day at a time, starting now.

    I had a good day.  I spent most with my mom, a little piano recording, a little clothes shopping and groceries, and laundry.  I start the new year with a pure heart.  I aim to heal, not hurt.  I aim to spend my energy where it can help.  
    I need to make a list of goals for the year.  Any websites that you know help with this?  
    My short term goal at the moment is to get as in shape as possible, because I leave on tour in 19 days for Florida.  I had lost 11.5 lbs and I've gained 3-4 back in water weight from eating over Christmas.  Bad, I know.  But easily dealt with I'm sure.  Encourage me!  I have a slinky black satin dress to look good in!  
    Today I've eaten well.  I am going to get on the elliptical as soon as my dinner of soup settles.  I need to drink more water and take my vitamins.  Life is good.
    Goals I know for sure:
    -Get as in shape as possible by the 19th
    -Set a goal of reading one book per month {I always take on too many at once}
    -Read the Bible plan everyday
    -Live a Christian life
    -Let go of hurt.  This is so hard.
    -Continue to be in shape
    Here's to a new year.  

  • 2012

    When we wake to the day, we grasp at it

    And run to it
    and fall into it
    But go as we might
    It is sand between the crevices
    In our fingers and hearts
    And time
    as much as we stall
    passes us by
    Grasp you might
    You can't put a day in your pocket
    Or keep sunshine in a bottle
    Love flies at its own pace
    And time
    was a man you met
    On an afternoon
    and gone in time for tea.

December 31, 2012

  • And,’ she added musingly, ‘the thing that irks me most is this shattered prison, after all. I’m tired, tired of being enclosed here. I’m wearying to escape into that glorious world, and to be always there: not seeing it dimly through tears, and yearning for it through the walls of an aching heart, but really with it, and in it. - Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights

December 28, 2012

  • My review of Les Miserables

    *****SPOILERS BELOW!!  Please do not read this if you don't want the film to be ruined for you if you haven not yet seen it. *****

    It's always difficult to review something that's very near to your own heart.  This is how I feel about Les Miserables.  It was the first CD I ever owned. I was 11 or 12 and my voice hadn't developed enough low range to sing the only age appropriate song on the album (Castle on a Cloud).  I absorbed Les Mis.  It became part of me.  It cried with me during my lovelorn teen years and rejoiced with me in better days.  So I approached this movie with an almost tangible trepidation.  Love something too much, and it can hurt you.  Would Les Miserables make me miserable?  Or would it be like visiting an old friend?  

    A musical is a balancing act.  We have the music, itself, on one hand.  Then singing from the actors.  Then the acting itself.  These three are the triumvirate that carry the story to glory or despair.  If one is out of whack the whole thing is off kilter.  This musical tried to balance singing from many non-singers, which I felt put too much of a burden on itself.  It tired to make up for it with beautiful sets and burgeoning honesty. 
    A few words to describe the film overall:  organic, real, dirty, raw.  There is zero glamour here.  Expect none of the beauty you might see at the Broadway production.  There is an abundance of dirt under nails, very bad teeth, and things we try not think about when we study world history.  Think body fluids and the grit of real life when you strip away comforts.  This is real stuff, ladies and gentlemen.  A little too real for my stomach at times.  
    I cried for about the first hour of the film.  Part of this was my extreme emotional attachment to the music and story itself, and seeing it played out on the big screen (I was sitting a little too close, mind you) right in front of me.  The beginning of the film presents a stark contrast between law and grace.  This theme follows Jean Valjean to the very end, creating some heart wrenching moments along the way.  Hugh Jackman was one of the actors I was never worried about.  He was spot on, especially during the beginning and end of the film.  Seeing him with Colm Wilkinson (the Bishop, and the original Jean Valjean) was almost too much for my little emotional heart to bear.  Colm did an excellent job as the Bishop.  
    Ann Hathaway (Fantine) did a fine job of playing the down-and-out factory worker turned prostitute.  She is adequately wretched and pleading at the same time.  
    My one complaint was more with the direction than in her performance.  
    The director chose to film the singing live rather than prerecorded.  This makes sense in practicality, since the musical is 99% through-sung and has very little dialogue.  But these "actors-who-also-sing"  don't seem to be able to balance emotional performance with technique as well as a stage actor can.  The result is a beautiful, heart wrenching scene, but with so much coughing and grunting and squeaking in the place of singing that the song is mangled.  It is a very difficult balancing act, but it is crucial to the integrity of the musical.  Character is expressed not only in how lines are delivered, but also in sound and tone quality of the voice.  This is why it's not only important to that actors can sing, but the individual sound they give.  It's why Patti Lupone and Madonna sing the same notes in Evita, but have two very different portrayals.  Singing matters, and we'll come back to this.  
    Fantine starts her big song (I Dreamed a Dream) in total silence.  Nixing the introduction is a favorite trick in this film; one that they use several times.  I won't give too much away, but I must say that if you have kids, this scene is one of reasons you shouldn't take them to see the movie.  Sex is non-glamorous, especially if you are a prostitute on the docks.  
    Young Cosette is one of the cutest and most expressive children I've ever seen.  I wish we could have kept her around for more of the film!
    There is a new song out of nowhere in the film, aptly named "Suddenly".  It didn't do much for me.  I didn't understand why they chose to cut parts of other established songs (such as "Little People" for Gavroche) and then add in and entirely new one.
    Cosette as a grownup is portrayed by the beautiful Amanda Seyfried.  She handles most of the singing alright, but has a distinctive fast tremolo that gets irksome.  In my opinion, the role of Cosette should go to a light soprano who can handle her high notes with a floated, graceful quality.  Seyfried gives us more a squeaked out performance.  This is a good example of "just because you can, doesn't mean you should".  Sopranos spend years training to be able to handle high, quiet passages with the proper breath control and support.  It doesn't just happen overnight, even when you are blonde and beautiful.  
    I feel that now is the time where I must speak of Javert.  Ah, Russel Crowe.  I adore you in A Beautiful Mind.  It is the perfect film for you...you are quiet, understated, internalized, subtle.  You excel at these kinds of things.  Unfortunately, none of those things help you in a singing role, meant for a singer.  What I talked about earlier in vocal quality comes into play here.  Javert isn't a face, costume, and a bunch of lines.  Javert is a voice, also.  His character comes through in the way he sounds.  This is the reason that Kathy Selden dubbed over Lina Lamont in Singin' In the Rain.  You look the part.  You do not sound the part.  
    To be fair, I was pleasantly surprised at much of Crowe's singing.  There were a few moments where he got close to good.  He really did.  But overall, his vocal quality has the brilliance of a slab of ham.  It really held him back, emotionally.  This was evident in his hacking at the song "Stars" and "Javert's Suicide".  These made me so sad, because they could be so wonderfully powerful and amazing!  I've seen them be so!  It reminded me of Gerard Butler trying to sing "Music of the Night" in the film version of Phantom of the Opera.  Really disappointing.  
    Kudos to the director for using the art of distraction in the vocally complex "Confrontation" between Valjean and Javert.  He put in a sword fight.  
    Eponine by Samantha Barks - very good.  They changed up the story with her death a bit, which was odd.  But good job, kiddo.  I'm glad they finally got around to putting the old trench coat and beret on her.  I missed them in the "On My Own" scene, and she looked frightfully cold.  I felt that you were the only singer who completely knew what she was doing!  
    Marius was played by Eddie Redmayne.  I cannot decide if I want to nickname him "Freckles" or "Kermit".  The freckles were cute, and a little silly.  For an obviously accomplished vocalist, I couldn't understand his tendency to keep going back into this throat at odd moments, hence the froggish nickname.  If he could fix that, he'd be darn near perfect. 
    Mr. and Mrs. Thenardier were sufficiently gross.  I felt they added too much raunchiness to an already debased scene.  (Master of the House) Leave the kids at home, please.  
    The real vocal stars of the film?  The minor characters!  Once you get past using big name stars to sell tickets to the unwashed masses, you can have real vocal auditions for your minor roles and let them duke it out like music majors!  Props to the random soldiers attacking the barricade, the factory women, and the street cleaners for having marvelous voices and pristine performances.
    The final scenes were beautiful, hopeful, lovely...I could go on.  Eponine is missing from the finale, and in her place was our favorite Bishop, welcoming Valjean to heaven.  I cried, again.  It was lovely.  
    Something that did not work in the film was bringing back "Do You Hear The People Sing" for the final number.  On stage, it brings back a theme, very faint, and is a sort of curtain call number.  In the movie, it happens just after Valjean passes to the afterlife, and is another view of the barricade, complete with dead bodies lying about.  Is this heaven?  Are we to believe that heaven is another French revolution with guns and dying and dead?  It was anticlimactic and really ripped me out of the beautiful moments just before.  
    Final thoughts:  This is Les Miserables.  It may not be the same one you love in your heart, but it is a version.  I hope you go give it a try and extrapolate the good from the bad.  I took away much good from this film, and tried to leave the bad alone.  The rest of the day, I felt like I was emotionally drained from seeing it.  But I'm glad I did.  Please come to your own conclusions and enjoy the art set before you.  

December 24, 2012

  • I blink at the small Christmas tree where my big one was last year.  It's a simple solution to the problem of not much help getting the huge old thing out of the attic:  merely put up a 3 foot tree.  Done.  It's lovely, crowned with a too-big star like a child wearing a too-big hat.  But it's my tree, and I love it.

    I'm sentimental tonight.  Sometimes my mind turns to peer down dangerous turns, like looking down dark allies in a big city.  Not much good to see, if at all.  I am fearful of the truth sometimes.  I want to remember the lovely and stop there.
    I think back to people I knew as a child.  My Sunday school teacher in 1st grade.  I remember her perfectly, in her light brown hair fluffed up like an old lady who isn't quite grey yet.  And her 80s shoulder padded dresses.  Always dresses, in those days.  Women of her generation didn't even think of wearing pants to church.  I'm not sure how old she really was, but to a 1st grader she was just plain old.  She came, faithfully, every week to my class to teach me stories from the Bible.  She had a felt board with little flat action figure people she'd stick on the board for us to look at while she told the stories of Ruth and Boaz, Nicodemus,  Paul, and Jesus.  I've been back to that church as a full grown person.  I never realized how low the ceilings were in the children's wing, and how tiny the chairs.  I tear up thinking about how she gave her time to teach me the Bible.  I don't even know if she's still alive, and I don't remember her name.
    There was a woman named Mrs. Baron in the town I lived in as a baby.  My mom and I used to go and visit her when she'd go back to visit from church friends.  I haven't seen her since I was a child.  I just remember how effusively wonderful and kind she was as she rolled to the front door to open it for us.  She suffered with some disease that took her from a cane to a wheelchair over the course of my childhood. But I didn't know she was suffering.  She had a very modest home and a big dog, and a handsome son.  I remember her having the neighborhood children over all the time and she would tell them about Jesus.  She loved Him so.  I tear up thinking about how she suffered so quietly and showed love to those around her.  I don't even know if she's alive anymore.
    The widow I stayed with in England in 2005/2006 was named Jean.  She was a cockney woman who lived through WWII and had a dog named Penny.  She was so kind to Christine and myself to let us stay in her home for 6 months without even meeting us before hand.  Her husband had passed away and she lived alone otherwise.  She helped us with so many things and taught me much about the world.  Though she'd had a hard life, she had a heart for Jesus.  I tear up thinking about her and how it wasn't that long ago I saw her last.  I don't even know if she's still alive because I don't have an email address for her. 
    All of these things wouldn't be too hard to find out, with some persistence.  But the truth is that I'm a coward.  I don't to look into the darkness of death.  I'd rather not know if someone is living or dead, for fear of grief.  Grief is scary.  It feels like falling with no idea of ever hitting the ground.  Death is permanent.  Unknowing is indefinite.  
    And about the tree:  There is always next year.  I don't seem to be going anywhere.  

December 17, 2012

  • Those who would picket

    Do you realize that those who would picket funerals of soldiers, gays, and murdered children do it for the attention they get? Don't give them media attention, and they will go away. I didn't name the group here, and you don't have to either.

December 13, 2012

  • List of things I've done with my life

    - graduated from kindergarten without killing anyone

    - didn't get a spanking in 4th grade
    - memorized 2nd Timothy in 6th grade
    - got the lead in the musical my first week at my new school in 10th grade
    - high school tours to Alaska, Scotland, and Italy.  
    - high school voice lessons, solo contests, a few of which I won. 
    -wrote a 3 part girls' piece.  Learned to sew. Made a banner. Made some art.
    - learned how to act.
    - scholarship to OCU
    - didn't drink or do anything bad in a worldly college
    - scholarship to DBU
    - kept my virtue.  For a very, very long time.
    - solos and stuff.
    - read some really good books.
    - passed Spanish in college.
    - sang in Carnegie Hall
    - college tour to England.  Sang at Westminster Abbey, York Minster, St. Giles.
    - survived my grandparents' deaths
    - survived church and the abuses therein.
    - survived winds of doctrine
    - survived my parents' divorce.
    - kept a tree from being cut down
    - graduated from college
    - lost weight
    - survived a legit stalker
    - moved to England by myself
    - lost 35 lbs
    - musicals.  musicals.  musicals.
    - survived being abandoned by my close friends
    - survived numerous breakups.  ugh.
    - decided to stick up for myself.  
    - painted lots of rooms.
    - made lots of costumes
    - taught lots of voice lessons
    - learned to dance.  became a choreographer
    - became a singer
    - doing a national tour
    - loved Jesus and stood up for him no matter what
    I feel better now.  Thanks, @Composing_Life